We're facebook friends in real life
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
