i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
