don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
