I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I need a burrito and a hug.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
