I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
