I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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