if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
