I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
