come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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