Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
