You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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