It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
