I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize