is this the sara with the beer cane?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
