Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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