We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
