He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
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