she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
