i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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