You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
