I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
