Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
