Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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