What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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