Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
