I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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