I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
