Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
