so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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