i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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