theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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