Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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