He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
