TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize