Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
