Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
