erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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