Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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