Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I love having hate sex.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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