It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
