The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
