Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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