hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
nutella sex= disaster
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize
