its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
the liver wants what the liver wants
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
