We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
