found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
