She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Fuck appropriateness.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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