you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
