4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
