I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
