Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Randomize
