yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
