I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
