if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
