Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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