I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
