I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
