you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Pooping to opera.
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