Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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