Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
