I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
