He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
