woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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