We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
as a side note pls kill me
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
