Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
