I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize