You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
