Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
