i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
