dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
