Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize