Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
