the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
