I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
