I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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