So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize